Questions/This Is Me

aha! i just loved the fact that my mood can changed in an instant.

why the fuck am i nice to the worst people in my life?
why can't a focus in school?
why can't i focus at home?
why can't i focus on my friends?
why can't i love as hard at i want to?
why can't i trust?
why do i complain more then i ever did?
why is the beginning of this year so shit?
why am i lofter?
why do people intend on hurting me?
do i hurt others?
will life get any easier for me?


i have a shit load of questions, but i wouldn't wanna bore you. i'm changing. i'm wanting to do some crazy shit without a fucking care. i wanna live my life and fulfill my dreams. but whatever. do dreams even come true anymore? i feel like i'm the biggest failure ever. everything i touched gets messed up or some shit. in some cases only temporary. but either way....fuuucked up still.

i wanna be able to be free with everything.
turn my nothing into an actual something.
be able to not let shit from others to put its hold on me.
i wanna be able to be me.
free.
i wanna dread my hair, pierce my lip.
take photography classes and belly dance. shake my hips.
i wanna be bold, crazy colours.
i wanna be open and shit my love to another.
i wanna make beautiful music with inspiration and passion.
i wanna buy some out of this world fashion.
i wanna turn heads, i wanna make minds bend.
i want to be a house hold name.
but i don't want all that comes with fame.
i want to hold his heart.
keep it safe.
keep everything out that pain made.
i want to talk everything out and in the open.
i want you to see that i'm actually showing.
this is me, this is who i am and what i do.
i'm hoping that i can be free that comes through.
i want weight.
i want body, i want sexiness, but not looking soggy.
damn i want cash, green, dough.
but cash isn't everything, trust me i know.
happiness makes life. i just gotta take one painful day at a time...

i want a lot of things, i want things i never had...

- Aubrey