Monday, November 30, 2009

It Was All A Dream

it's me & you against the world
by your side, the only girl.
on some corny shit, fuck the birds and the bees
can't help the fact that you have me weak in the knees.
we started this with your hand in my hand
come on, we're partners. we get us like nobody else can.
together we die, forever we ride.

this was all in a dream
it seemed so real, it seemed to be
i tend to dream cause reality is faker
dreaming is bliss, keeps me away from danger
all, all, all!
that's what i want to give
but there's a blockage
this brick
this stack
this closed road
it's funny when you try to get someone to understand
but it's like they're simple minded and & have their own plan
you want them to know the mental, emotional, physical.
you want to do it all, in due time, but time is critical
i guess what I'm trying to get at is that
if life was as easy as dreaming
I'd actually start believing...

Thinking Otherwise...

chick doesn't know shit about me,
but wants to run my name like it's sunny d.
this is why i don't deal with much females.
they act like true bitches, always wagging their tails.
like find something better to do, close your legs.
stop running "game" on this constant beg!
i hate the fake
if you don't like me, don't par.
don't whisper my name, or stare from afar...
you're whack & chickas like you don't compare.
aha! It's funny. you think your nigga cares.
fuck you & everything you represent
oh wait, that's nothing. you don't even look decent.

i'm not the type to say, i hate chicks.
but you're making me think otherwise
go do your best, suck a dick...


Mind State

Something I have, something I respect.

Something I can’t live without, something I can never forget.

It’s like my control panel, something I’m lost without.
Without it, my everything wouldn’t count.

It expresses my last emotion, speaks my every thought.

I can do whatever I want pretty much, because this is what I taught.

I taught myself that caring for others is amazing beyond words.

But once you can’t speak for yourself, no one’s going to listen,

& you’re not going to be heard.

Finally seeing that the whole world is a lie.

They don’t care what we say, or care when the children cry.

It’s nice when the “nice” comes out sometimes.

But it’s like its illegal, some sort of crime.

People don’t want to be real, they don’t want to shine.

They want to play dumb; their mother is who they hide behind.

Scared if what the world has to say

It’s a shame that the world has to be this way.

Luckily, not in my mind state.

I'm Done

Secrets lie within you,

But I can’t seem to penetrate.

You’re not being honest & this is what I hate.

You agreed to keep it real right from the start.

The more you lie, the further we fell apart.

I know there’s more to say.

& I have a feeling it’s going to stay this way.

That’s how it always is, especially with us.

In my mind I’m chill, but my soul decides to make a fuss

I think I’m officially given up in this

Because the more you push away, the more I feel like shit.

It’s bad enough I’m full of confusion.

So fuck this connection and its union

I’m done…

Growing Impatient

Me? A side thing? Really?

It’s coming off that way.

You got your main bitch

But when she’s gone, there comes me.

I fade in & out

At first I couldn’t see it.

But now it’s becoming clear.

Do I want to tell you how that makes me feel?


But sometimes, I don’t know how to come out with it.

I don’t know how you might take it.

You say you can’t put up with it.

You can’t take it anymore.

Tell me this then

WTF are you doing then?

You’re tired right?

You’re not feeling it anymore no?

So why are you wasting time?

I don’t understand why…

See this is the problem with some dudes.

Why mess around with the wrong girl,

When the right one is under your nose?

Do you get a kick out of being stressed?

It feels good to get hurt?

Please tell me the deal!

I’m not going to wait around much longer…

Inside My Head


It’s so loud in here.
Something’s going to happen, but it’s something I fear.
As my senses guide me through the noises
I pick up on some familiar things, something like voices.
Voices that I knew, voices that I know now too.
They came in all sorts of colours. Red, yellow, blue.
As I listened, a picture surfaced in the sky.
It was a picture I once knew.
It’s whatever now; you’re the one that blew.
Blew me off and killed my everything.
You were too caught up in the glamour and bling.
That was your mistake, you should have been yourself.
The real information is what you with-held.
It’s different, the only time you came out to play
Is when it involved us laying around in bed all day
And it wasn’t even that great…
Everything became silent in a split second
Finally, something I recommend,

I saw you standing there with dead flowers
It’s like you were standing there for hours.
You told me the worst was yet to come.
From your lips is where the words will spill from…

Thursday, November 26, 2009


She seeks the true meaning of love
To ease the pain she's feeling
She wants to find it
So it can give her a sense of healing
She wonders when it will come her way
This thing called love
Everybody talking like it's a thing from up above
She was determined to find it
But how?
Everybody has there own perspective about love
But she wanted to find her own perspective
She wanted to embrace this love with her whole heart
Find the special thing and never the two shall part
Then she felt all this passion of warmth and delight
She felt that feeling
Love at first sight
She couldn't believe her eyes
She never seen him before
But he was too damn fine
They caught eyes and she smiled
He smiled back
He started walking her way
oh no what should I do? what should I say?
Sweaty palms
Heart's racing
Is this the "love" she's facing
She wonders fast
"Has what I've been seeking for right here?"

Just Me

Looking Out
To See The Fake World
The Fake Friends, The Fake Girls
The Fake People As They Walk
And The Fake Way They Talk
Since They Can't Handle My "Real"
They Think They Have A Right To Feel
Feel That They Can Talk This Fake Shit
Thinking That This Fake Shit Will Make Them A Big Hit
Well Let Me Ask You This
Do You Not Have Nothing Better To Do?
Do You Not Have Anything Better To Say?
Do You Feel Good In A Way?
People Like You Should Inspire Me
To Just Let Y'all Talk You’re Shit & Just Let It Be
In The End
I'm Just Going To Be Me!

Feelings Get Hurt
People Feel Like Dirt
In My Soul You Insert
These Hurtful Words...Every Fucking Day
Urgh... Fake & Waste People These Days...

Accept Who I Am
Cause I Accept Who You Are
Even Though You Need To Realize For Every Action/Word You Say


Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

If I

here's a question, if i were to let my actions speak, how much would it cost you?
would it effect the way we move? would you loose your so called boo?
i don't wanna taste you cause i don't wanna taste her.
i don't wanna feel you cause it's like i'm feeling her.
she's in your essence, for her it's plesent.
she's got this claim for you, but she's not living up to her title.
but this is a situation very delicate, somewhat critical.

knowing that i should back down and let things slide,
i can't stand to sit around and be on the side lines.
do i think she's better?
maybe if her eyes stopped getting wetter...
crying over stuff that don't matter to most.
she's worried of what?
loosing you?
it's funny to me, i think you're already gone.
i'm not tryna be rude but i'm stating truth. over and done.
i gotta make these moves count cause this means everything right now.
this = time
time = money

but i'm wondering it all worth it in the end?

Diego - Gun

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Mind Set #8

okay uhmmm....

another test has appeared. i have to prep myself of this one since i'm the one giving the answers to questions i basically asked. weird huh? i can't even use words either. i gotta use my body language. *rolls eyes* it's so much easier to "say" then "do". I've never been in such a predicament where my words begin to "fade" in a sense. well not fade exactly. it's like i have to do something so my words actually mean something. something like that.

i like living in my mind. honestly cause shit there always goes my way. even if i don't want it that way, it's me being in control. i love that word, "Control." i run things. lol. too damn bad it's not like that in real life. i guess it's time to show you what it's like in my mind. me being in control. me doing things i've never experienced. make moves that i'm not familiar with.

okay i think i'm ready to do it. i'm ready to be bold and courageous. aha! who's the boos? whatever. *smile and wink*

enough about that. i'm drunk now. aha!
it's funny, besides me blogging and being drunk, you're on my mind. now a days when are you not. even when i wanna think about something else i can't. shoooot!
at times i fucking wonder if you want me. you said you wonder how much i want you. well i can wonder too. but whatever. we'll really see what the deal is. ;)

just waiting and seeing right?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

No More Pain

As she hangs there, you could see the pain. See the floor. The blood drips from her vain. The floor tells a story of a girl who didn’t want to feel the pain on the inside anymore. She wanted to let the stress out. She decides to let her skin and a sharp knife do the talking. The pain, the stress, the lies, disbelief. Her mind set is messed. As she cuts deeper she cries out. Tears mix with the blood. She watches the dark red liquid flow threw the opening of her skin. She doesn’t want to live this life anymore. Dad rapes her, mother doesn’t want her, brothers and sisters never claimed her. She’s as broken as her skin. She opens the bottom cabinet in her bathroom & finds some sort of weaving material. She makes a lynch and ties it to the light on the ceiling. She utters a few words. “This life isn’t for me. When people look into my eyes, they see a girl filled with pain. Her eyes tell a story.” Her eyes are filled with tears. She screams. “Nobody took the time to care. Nobody took the time to be there. Everyone hates me. So I’m doing what my mother wanted to do on the hospital bed.” She stopped talking. Glanced over at the light switch. She walked towards it and flicked it off. Then she grabbed the bathroom stool that was in front the sink. Stepping in her blood she walked over to the lynch that she made. She drops the stool down in front her then steps up on it. She puts her head through the whole while she’s stepping up. She’s crying tears that have the deepest meaning. “No one really loved me.” she kicks the still over.

No more pain…

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


I had this “vision” I guess you can call it.
We were laying there, talking about God knows what.
Because the whole time our lips were moving, all I heard was our heart-beats.
We were doing something I never pictured us doing, actually bonding.
We were side by side, my feet hanging off the bed.
I had to look up in order to see the bottom of your chin.
It was cute in a way.
Finally I begin to hear our voices.
I asked you a question.

“I know this is random but, do you think that there’s someone out there made for you?”
You thought about it for a moment. Then you asked me.
“Do you think that there someone out there made for you?”
I thought about it.
I said
“I liked to think that there’s someone out there made for me. I mean I feel that there’s someone out there. Why wouldn’t there be? I believe everyone has to find them though. Sometimes people look when it’s right under their noses too.”
You grab my hand and said.
“I don’t ever want us to stop being friends. Ever.”
I repeated the same thing.
I said
“If I ever were to lose you in any way, I think I’d try to find you. You’re that important to me you know that right?”Then we were silent. It was beautiful. It felt like we were laying there for days.

Then I started thinking
“he knows how to pick em’ eh? I mean he has someone right now though and I feel like that’s not the right person for him. There should be the biggest form of trust. I trust him with my life. I don’t think it’s illegal to be jealous either but if you’re over jealous, especially over chicks you shouldn’t even worry about, I think there’s a serious problem…”

I looked over at you and you fell asleep.
I whispered your name a couple times but you were falling into sleep.
I whispered some more words.
“My Promises to you. If I was with you on that level that she is, I wouldn’t do a damn thing to hurt you in any way. I would love you as I do myself and care for you when ever I can. I will. I wouldn’t worry about the things you do because I know you. I know how you are. I know how you think. I know you’re not a stupid ass and I know you deserve better then what you’re getting.”
I place my hand on your chest. I wanted to feel your heart beating.
“I always wanted to find the words to express how you make me feel. But when you ask and I can’t reply, it’s cause I have some sort of mind freeze or something. You are to amazing for words. I feel I can give you what you’re entitled to have. A strong girl. A girl who knows what she wants. Confidence, Stability, Loyalty, Wisdom, A back bone. I can be all that and ten times more, if you’ll have me. I’m not worried about whatever we have now to be ruined because of what could maybe happen later. Why? Because I think we’d be just as close. We’d be the same us, doing the same things, all the time.”
Then I closed my eyes and began to hear our hearts again.
It got softer and softer.

I watched you sleep all night.
It was like I was guarding you from what the darkness was holding.
You started opening your eyes.
You asked me if I slept. I lied and said yes.

Then you said
“Who wants breakfast?”

I smiled.

Monday, November 16, 2009

You Know What I Want?

someone who can show me unconditional love.
someone who i know will my back and i will theirs.
someone who isn't ashamed of me, loves the fact that i'm not any other chick. i'm laid back and don't bitch about stupid shit. i'm not that uptight.
someone i can show off and say i got a good man.
someone my friends like and vise versa. a person i can kick it with in that type of way. we can lay up in the house all day and just chill. we won't even have to talk.
someone who i can have some deep ass conversations with. so deep we don't even have to have sex to feel how deep it is. you know?
someone that gives me shocks just by touching me.
someone who always keeps it real, no matter how i'll feel cause they say it out of love.
someone who's always looking out, showing me the real deal and has the greatest head on their strong shoulders.
someone that could make me cry tears of joy and make me pray so hard for them.
someone who i think about late at night for no reason at all.
someone who calls me out the random just to say "i love you, baby."
someone i trust to hold my heart...

there's more but i gotta think....

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Just Like My Hair, My Feelings Are In A Frizz.

"Lately i been feeling like a broken record."

everything that was an issue before is still an issue now, plus i guess you can say more things have surfaced.
telling a few every detail, they say it serves purpose.
now i need for you to know something, it ain't easy when everything begins to twist.
you try to figure out this, you think you're getting close to it.
Just Like My Hair, My Feelings Are In A Frizz.
i'm trying to find all the answers to this never ending quiz
i feel like giving it all up and calling it off
but Andrew says, stop trippin, this is all soft
everything will fall into place, you just gotta wait...
seems like things are playing in your favor, all you have it fate.
yeah all i have, what if it doesn't have me
one minute i think it's there, when it really did flee
i love you, rings in my ears daily.
telling you i love you too, but you're not my baby.
every time i utter those three words, it makes me wanna cry
i feel it so deep it's like i wanna die
before i wanna see anyone, it has to be you first
if not it feels like something inside me is waiting to burst
Lord, give me the strength to tell him how i fully feel
every feeling in every detail, how many times can i say this.
what i'm feeling is the real deal.

"I See You Every Night In My Dreams,
And I Think It's Time We Make It Reality.
I Know Right Now We're Nothing But Just Close Friends.
But I Can't Pretend, I Caught Feelings."

Monday, November 9, 2009

Unconditional Love 2

it's nothing like the rest
with you, it's like feeling blessed!
you are something no words can describe,
thank God you're in my life.
i never had this kinda love for another.
you do something to my heart, over and under.
I'm at peace. even when i say your name.
then I begin to feel the pain...
the simple things begin to become complicated.
then my feelings go under the list "out-dated"
it's complicated what you call this thing we got.
but i got all this "new" love for you, who would have thought?
telling people i never felt this way, that's something real.
i almost there, getting grip on my steering wheel.

that's what he does to me
which makes me willing to give him that unconditional love he really deserves...

Sunday, November 8, 2009

More Fun

kissed by the rain & kissed by the sun. my head is forever spun...round and round. drowning out the sound and smoking by the pound. you're more fun to be around...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Mind Set #7

so i was in a pretty good mood to say the least, untill i reached my dearest friends house. as always she never has nothing to say when it comes to this particular dude. i respect all aspects of what she preaches, but sometimes when you here the same thing over...and over...and over you kinda start to wonder: (W T F ? NEW MATERIAL?!) don't get me wrong, she does it cause she cares and such, but i'm starting to get this vibe that she's seeing something that i'm not based on what happened to her instead of me. i mean pretty much what she says what i already know due to the fact that i figured shit out cause i'm not a complete idiot. i have sense. like hello? i don't give off a vibe that i'm a retard do i?

whatever, ANYWAYS! Either way she says to me how i shouldn't chill as much as i should with him and things on that nature. BUT in all reality i don't. usually he's off doing his own thing with his own girl in their own world. do i get mad about it? well yeah. cause i'm feeling him right? *rolls eyes* i already stated that i'm not feeling him as much as i deeply did cause i got hurt twice already. that can take it's toll on a girl's feelings. i also know that i played the "i'm the fool" card twice too. (don't ask, i guess you can say i was blinded.) but he did come out and say his "i'm sorry's" and the "i didn't mean it" shit. i accepted. i think that sometimes she also fails to realize that we are the best of friends and whatever. we also are on some other level shit. something like that. like i have people that i can go to with shit. he's one of them. she is too. but not as much. why?

past shit sometimes effects what happens in the future...

stuff went down dirty, people tried to mess up a good thing we had, they got what they wanted. not only did people mess up shit, she just picked up habits that i wasn't completely about. so i cut her loose for a bit.

i guess what i'm kinda trying to get out is that, i'm just trying to make people understand where me and him are coming from, but they base it on what they see. at least the man had the decency to fucking apologize for what he did. most nigga's don't. i strongly dislike when people to not take in what i say and do whatever the fuck they want. now i smell that something is bond to happen in the next 30 minutes, he's gonna call me, tell me about it, i'm going to get mad, bitch about it, then call her, yell at her, she might either get mad or brush it off. all for the simple fact that she'll feel, she did it for my own good,

me and him are not on that shit. the type of shit he's on with his girl. yes we way look like it. BUT I'M FUCKING STATING THAT WE AREN'T. and i'm annoyed that people make shit out to be something they ain't. then again, people are fucked sometimes and i can't stand them. a girl hangs out with a dude they assume shit. a girl hangs out with another chick, in some cases problems accrue. whatever man, when i mean i'm over everything, i'm over everything.

shit happens for a reason and i have no issues with that. well i think i don't
in all honesty, it all depends on the fucking situation.

i love all my friends, i really do, but sometimes...they annoy the shit out of me...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It’s You

You are my inspiration
No matter how hard I try to fight it, it’s a serious temptation
Why when it comes to you things seem more then correct
But on some next level shit, you mind is where I want to connect
You got this thing, you think way too much
I’m picking up the habit too, everything is in a bunch
Tapping into you is like using a spoon to dig dry glue
Difficult, but somehow I still wanna do
Dig I mean
There’s something there I wanna see
And no matter what it is, I don’t even care if it hurts me.
I’m willing to take that risk and live on some sort of edge.
I wanna see your sites and see if it makes my mind bend
That’s why I kinda feel like we have some sort of connection
You’re so complex, I wanna put my flex in
I wanna know, I wanna know, and I wanna know
But you have an issue with letting your feelings show
I guess it’s because you’ve been hurt so much
I’ve been to
I’m telling you, you don’t know half the shit I been through…
I wanna go travel, I wanna tag along
I wanna go through the right and the wrong
All with one person right now
It’s you

Monday, November 2, 2009


off into my thoughts,
the ones that seem to taunt.
i'm far from well rested.
forever the world seems tested.
who's the best, who's the worst.
it's cool my words they bust true when i'm under-rated.
sip whatever and just stay faded...


We think Bout it, Sing Bout it, Dream Bout it & Loose sleep worrying Bout it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear loosing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define & IMPOSSIBLE to live without...

Can't Stop

Everything comes easy when it's on my mind.
but to do those actions, seems like it takes time.
Everything seems so hard when it comes to you,
Feelings are racing and i don't know what to do...

It's a good thing i'm a forgiver

I'm forgiving myself for what i'm about to do.
I'm sorry but, i can't stop loving you...

Unconditional Love

i wanna get this tat
Unconditional Love
Reasons why?
it's something I've never felt
from a girl or guy
at night i sit up and wonder under the stars
am i really ready to get these scars?
actually there's only one person i could think of right now.
that's given me unconditional love no matter how

my father.

for those who know me, know how i feel about this man.
when i needed the most help, he gives what he can.
no matter how mad he'll get at me.
he always tells me he loves me
fills me up with knowledge
and tells me it's okay if you wanna go to college
just pass all your classes.
I'm getting the tat right across my wrists
unconditional on the left, love on the right.
so that way, when i open my arms
you can feel it so tight.
I'm following in his footsteps,
be straight up and give that type of love
i wanna be that person to give that love
to the ones who never received it.
then that will help them believe it...

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Mind Set #6

i'm still young, i know that. i got so many things to learn and i got all this time. it seems like i wanna know everything now so i can say "oh i knew that" later on. there are going to be people that are going to break me in some sort of way but i have to over come it. there are going to be haters and fakers, takers and mis-leaders. cheaters and deceivers. all this and more, a part of life. we go through things all the time. could be small, could be huge. there also comes a time where you gotta open your eyes and your mind and be like, "why stress over this?" "is this really worth my time?" i'm starting to realize a lot of things now. a lot about people's character traits and so on. i'm learning to live with that. my cousin and a couple friends told me "you don't truly know a person until a bad situation happens. it's either they have you or they don't. point blank."

there's so much going on right now for my brain. not only is it bouncing back from me being drunk for two days but it's also analyzing all the information and fucking situations that went down this weekend. the way i handled things, the way i finally took charge, the way i didn't care about whatever else happened. i was completely blown away. it was so dope. this weekend was a reaaaaaaal eye opener and i I've been getting a lot of those lately. i mean yeah, under aged drinking is bad, but what i got from it and everything else was sooooo good.

i guess something i can leave whoever with who's reading this.
have you ever wanted to believe something about someone so bad? like everyone was telling you that they were something bad or they're not good for you, whatever. untill one day everything that those people said started to unfold. you start to wonder "why didn't i see this from before?"

i think is cause you get caught up in who this people would act towards you. you thought they were misunderstood or soemthing. till you realize that everything was all the same. just like the rest of those fools.

ya win some, ya loose some.