"you can have it all, anything you want you can make it yours..."
song lyrics that just got stuck in my head, but it's not exactly what i'm focused on... i really don't know anymore. i would like to say that I know what's going on with me right now entirety, but i can't. i'm frazzled again. i would be lying if i said i wasn't worried about a friendship right now..but why be worried?
why the fuck should i be the one to always make the first move...again? why the hell should i be the first? i'm sorry, you have the same ability as i to come up and say hi? so what if shit's awkward? make the effort bitch! we're what YOU call "more then just best friends" so what the fuck you be doing homie? here's the deal with me. if you have a screw face on all the time, i could only come up to you like maybe about three times before i get the fucking message that you don't wanna talk. you never fucking do anyways. you can say that i'm fucking tired of this. i'm also tired of YOU making it seem to ME that I'M the fucking one with the PROBLEM. making it seem like i'm the one ignoring you. this is what i dislike about PEOPLE in general. SOME CANNOT ACCEPT CHANGE. they expect EVERY LITTLE DAMN THING to stay the fucking same, unless their the ones making the change. it's like people around can't make the change unless they wanted to. oh well.
i realize something when i had a conversation with someone when i thought they were honestly the one...that was way back anyways. it hit me that he wasn't. i feel he doesn't want to be the one cause he can't handle it. he can't handle the fact that i'm deep when it comes to important shit and he's shallow as a kiddy pool. the fact that i'm ready to open up with my feelings at the drop if a dime and the whole world will have to crumble and fall before i could get a complete sentence out of him. we're just too different when it comes to dealing and handling emotion, we both like to bottle up but only one is willing to pour the glass and share.
Blurb #6 on the way....