True Ish

Something I Thought You Should Know...

i'm a softy, yet can toughen up (takes a while)
i'm an open person, yet closed (when i wanna be)
i'm full of art, passion and soul
i'm in love with photography, a sleep with writing and my side thing is singing & dancing

style is my hidden talent, no one knows.
i'm a child of originality  and genuine is my god mother
Authentic is my god father
my best friends are: Ipod, Computer, Bed & Fridge.
curly hair is my weakness, pretty eyes melt me. chocolate is my satisfaction.

putting trust in others...i find pins in my eyes easier to do. anti-social? getting there sadly.
but i love making new friends and talking to new people is easy
if i get to know you and i don't like it, it will show on my body language
if you're annoying, i will not speak to you, anywhere.
i hate people that only talk to me when they need me/want me to do something. do it yourself.
i don't flirt as much as a use to

low-self esteem, is what i have. i wish it wasn't as low as it is...i don't even remember me having a high one.
i wanna be bigger then...well i don't know. i know i just wanna be big.
i want to be happy, forever.

i also wanna live on my own. mother who?

father, i love you! ♥

- Aubrey

I Like This

Purple Flower

Fever

you got any medication for my illness
i got a fever, i'm burning, burning up
i just can't, cant get enough
of your sweet loving
so tell me can you fix me?
i'm here begging you please
i'm hot, fire burns inside
i'm yours for the taking, i got no where to hide
tingles all over, a shock of cold shivers.
don't tell me you can't help, i'll start to quiver


AHHHH BOO, i lost it. :P

- Aubrey

Aspect Of Love

waking up next to you, a wish i long for
my hand caresses your face, something i adore.
the sheets so white, complementing our skin tone
we've finally made it, who would have known?
we laugh, cuddle, we share butterfly kisses
when we finally find an escape, then we start feeling the "misses"
the sun shines through the window, so bright and so warm
in your arms is now my new home
your heart beat compliments my own
the glow in my skin, finally now shows.
you tell me how beautiful i am, i tell you the same
i'd trade anything to re-live this moment over and over again.

this right here, is an aspect of love.

- Aubrey

Sad Story

i will never know what real love is because love in my brain-washed mind is tainted.
someone real will come my way and i'll begin to push because of all the pain previous ones brought.
every single one of them have brought pain in their own special way but overall somewhat similar.


they should be thankful. they destroyed what little hope i had, and shattered a heart that will take a years to put back together.
in my younger years i use to hear "your teen years is what gives you an outlook on life later. those years make you who you are"

i'm hurting, suffering, struggling, fighting with myself.

yet soon will be at peace.
this too shall pass.

- Aubrey

Dear Money

i got a bone to pick with you, you are making my life hard right now....


where are you?

i need you.

- Aubrey

Dear Money

i got a bone to pick with you, you are making my life hard right now....


where are you?

i need you.

- Janelle

I Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

When We Say (Juicebox) - AJ Rafael

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUMe_1oL8tg

This Is The Part Where We Fall In Love & The Part Where We Have Our First Kiss. But This Ain't A Movie, I Know You Can't Come With Me. You Got Your Life, He Better Be Treating You Right...

- Love

Happy...Lying

indicate
that thing, no one can duplicate
multiply
the green, getting high
on the seen, to me
this was everything but now
i feel anything
pain, happy
content, sappy
i never get what i wish for, prayers never answered
it's like a deadly cancer
all asspects of my life
it was at the top of the hill
then went downhill
i think it's time for me to get back on that fat pill
or talk that shit, in your head i begin to drill
all my words since diggin didn't help
this repesnts my mind

i'm happy

i'm lying

this is just one fucked up piece of writing. *smile*

- Janelle

Last Night

was a drag.

i went to bed right at ten and got no sleep. i was about to fall asleep, then my alarm clock woke me...
urgh, i hate when that happens. i also went through every song on my ipod. all 632 of them...
then that song came on...i didn't even sing it. i skipped it. reminds me too much of....you know.

first time i cried in my bed since...well since a while, cant remember the last time...then suddenly a fuzzy feeling came over me. can't really describe it.

then all these old memories and old strong feelings came back and i couldn't control myself. the last time i cried this hard was when i ran away...i think

couldn't take it. i rolled that shit and smoked it out my window in my room. even though i'm not allowed to do so cause i'm in training i did anyways. help set me at ease for 4 hours. such a good thing my mom didn't come in my room mlike she usually would have. *sigh* plsu the smell wasn't that strong, and knowing her she'd think it's coming from outside cause we usually smell it all the time now a days.

just the haze, me, and my ipod. kicking it last night.

it was something different and i didn't care. i had no care. it was amazing, i enjoyed it.

- Aubrey

THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 2010

i don't even know how to freggin breathe right now cause i'm just that fucked up at the moment.

friends may talk to me more then you, but at the same time they don't have what we got.
you want to go your own way, then fine who am i to stop you? seriously... it's not like anything i say could change your mind on the one big thing i didn't want you to do so why would it now?

what i feel you wanted was not sex, do not get it twisted, i never thought that i don't think i ever will, get your mind off it. but what i felt was that you didn't want it. it being this, this being us. it felt like you did at one point, but then i lost it god only knows when. but there's always this thing with me and having the nerve to stick around to something "good". but that "good" didn't want "good" either. and somehow i think it's my fault you feel this way. maybe it's cause i'm annoying, or loud, or maybe just to "black"

whatever.

the point is, it was Y O U  AND NO  O N E ELSE. done.
i don't understand why you think it's HIM when it's not. and i know other have told you so too.
yeah the last post broke me cause it's not always want i wanna hear, but people have the right to express whatever they want where ever they want. it's a free country...

it's funny too. cause i'm the one feeling like a fool. putting my all into something that i PRAYED would work, but get slapped in the face.

stayed up at nights when i couldn't sleep singing that one song "one day you'll be mine" by usher every night since February, now i feel like it's was all a waste of time, like my feelings were a waste of time, like all this effort was and is a waste of time...

just when i kinda thought i could maybe get back on track, this happens. i'm not happy about it and i don't think i will be for a while.
i never felt something like this in a minute and not even for him and now it's messed up.

you don't want it. i hate thinking things like this but did you ever? really?












it's hard...too hard. cause i actually gave and still give a shit about you...
what am i to do now and where does this leave me..

- Heart-Broken Aubrey...

Tired

i'm so fucking tired right now, i'm swaying from left to right in this computer chair right now with my eyes closed. aha!

i noticed that when i'm away from home i sleep like i never slept in years. all day for the whole time being where i'm at. i only get up if A) everyone's going out B) everyone's going out to get food C) to get food out the fride D) shower or use the bathroon to pee or pushing my teeth.

other then that i'm sleeping my life away
i lopve sleep
but don't get enough of it.

i decided to write that to kill some time and to make it seem like i'm workinbg in class. plus i'm extremely borred.

the only think i'm looking forward to today is to sit in the sun with my shorts shorts behind the school and watching the clouds go by. i love sun

- Janelle

Just For A Second

i went back to the old post stuff
and i read every single one over twice, yea i had time
and it was basically a roller-coaster

why do i think that everything is somehow my fault?
deep inside i want... you
never come to think if you were ever on my level of emiton
but i'll never know

hate to admit but you remind me of what i used to know
the box you can never open
the missing puzzle piece that stays lost forver
the love that was lost
you get nmy drift

i can seriously and honestly say i never wanted something like this
but for a second, i pictured what it would be like to let it all go
where would me feelings be if i let it all go

what if you let it all go
where would your feelings be?

baby it's sad to say, i know that it was you that made me feel this way, never thought it be the day that i....

i don't even wanna finish that lyric because i can't stop...loving your silly ass.

it's funny how someone so heartless still has all these feelings and emotions still trapped inside




i'm kinda happy about it. :)

- The Aubrey That Will Break Fre From This Emotional Jail

Broken Ish Again

feeling that broken shit again
wondering when the fuck this bleeding heart will mend
i can't just go on here, off in the land of pretend

it's crazy, how for a lie can go
it's something like whatever when you're the only one that knows
you go toe to toe
with your mind body and soul
until something breaks within
and everything becomes so thin
weak and brittle
so confusing, like some fucked up riddles

feeling that broken shit again

wondering when the fuck this bleeding heart will mend

i can't just go on here, off in the land of pretend

- Heartless Aubrey

Love Case.

you tell me to break it down
while i tell you to lay it down
on the line so that this time this can say true
forever and always imma be missing you
till the sky turns blue and the clouds fade
i can't tell you the amazing day i had today
one thing was on my mind
you, you
and this what i go
through, through
on a daily basis
i go through these sudden love cases
truck loads of emotion
faster then some ocean motion
the race begins with me, ends with you and during it all

is love.

Montreal.

i decided to go...why?


so i left Thursday night excited for my gramps 70th birthday. "yes i'm legal down there, sip some juice and chill in the French fry air." you know? i was like this is going to be a liver weekend. yea it was going well. got annoyed couples times cause of people being dicks but family is family. love them regardless of all the shit that is said. right?


got lost on the way but hey, that's normal. but i realized something. on how to mature, and change my ways. if it hasn't hit me before it sure did this weekend. but it's kinda hard to explain. just seeing how older folks act make you not want to be like that. so you decide to work on yourself 10000000000 times harder. you really do learn from other peoples mistakes.


and another thing. i don't understand why people don't get that other people can change. sure people have made some fucked up mistakes and yes no one is perfect like God so cut people some slack here. they are tryna change their life and go on the right path, but by you bringing up their past, how will they get the change if they're only seen one way in people's eyes?


on a family note: 
i've always been told there's a lot i don't know. stuff i don't need to know. but if it has to do with me or someone that is in my family that i know a whole lot, shouldn't i have the right to know?




overall these last two days were something i never want to re-live. it's more then i make it seem but too much to dish out.


whatever, it is what it is. people just don't get themselves sometimes either. damn retards.


- Heartless Aubrey

And The Story Goes....

Him: you dropped you pen pretty lady
Her: of thanks, i got a million things going on that i barely notice the little things. life's crazy
Him: tell me about it. you have a nice day
Her: you too.

it's been a while since she actually looked at a man, and boy was he fine...
she continued writing.. and thinking...


To Be Continued..

maybe... :)

- Janelle

Confusing Ish...?

when i woke up this morning, i thought of the same things that you do. (oh you know)


i want it.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i sat in a daze, the sky was a deep blue but it wasn't bright. it was like 6 or something.
for the first time i woke up with someone else on my mind and it scared me shitless. my friend told me dreams are like something that a spirit is trying to show you sometimes, especially if you're having the same dream over and over.


that dream kinda ended today.


Go back to what you know
Go back to where you know your heart is girl
Just be honest
(This is impossible)
This is impossible
We'll never work cause you don't want it girl
You belong with him so go back to what you know


but what do i know? pain, lies, and such crap. aha! i'm not the most perfect but i know what good and what's not. i lie, i give pain. don't we all? not as often and most of the time not on purpose. when it came down to young blood i have never called that person out, cause i'm not them, they're quick to call others out cause it's what they do. as for me. quiet as can be when it came to that situation. blah.


as for you. there is no you. people all up in my ear wax saying this and that. but they never knew the story behind it all. will they ever? i doubt it. i'm zipped. stomach full of pain, heart full of cracks, mind full of poison. i'm feeling to do something crazy with the deceiving cause it's what i know right?




he's the reason why i can't find the love that i'm needing and it kills. 


you really wanna know the real me. put my heart back together and in it's rightful place.


- Heartless Aubrey

Un-Saved

someone needs to save me,
but i can't save me
and if i can't save me
no one can save me.
so i'm un-saved.

- Aubrey

Screaming F**K THE WORLD

kso i don't understand why people always gotta think about what i've done way back when and base all that shit towards my character.

i'm sorry but can't people change?

i never been so mad to the point where i wanted to crash my fams car on the high way. "smile, you take things to personal" she says. how else am i suppose to take it. yeah i just love when people shoot down my pride and piss all over it and call it a damn day. it;'s what i truly live for. i don't like blaming people cause it's not my place but i seriously put this on my dukes still.

time and time again i say "people do not have to know what i do cause at the end of it all they're not in my shoes and people are way to judgmental. i guess you want people looking at you a certian way but i don't want people to get me wrong"

it's always this "Janelle never cares about anything but herself"

goes to show you actually know me.....

woke up this morning screaming fuck the world i had way to much to deal with since the year started.



especially after 5:39 's call
my heart officially died this morning.


heartless.

- Janelle

My Finale

poison.
every thought
sound
taste
touch
vision
feeling

i'm intoxicated everyday by this mind control
i can't get enough
focused on my fix
i crave this mix
of desire and hate
it's you i desire, but i hate it
passion wise

overflow
the cup i call my soul
with your bittersweet lemonade
on a summers day
i sip this and sit in the shade


my finale...

- Aubrey