Feel the heat the sensual vibes something neat the fire within blazes trying to look ahead but it hazes orange, yellow, red she's just looking to earn street cred. running missions and doing deeds in the end, it's the street love she needs she fiends she bleeds. all these things but her mind at some ease. she's on this high, can she ever come down? the real question is does she wanna come down?
One thing & it goes like this Gimme a second to gather my thoughts Another thought to reminisce Another thought on the special kiss Another thought about this bliss Another thought focused on us Another thought about how we met on the bus My emotion for you is ever so strong Especially since I loved you for so long & now we've grown apart All I want is a fresh new start
Gimme a second to gather my thoughts again...
That walk from the park was great Those dudes that saw us, you’re the one they love to hate Cause your with me, and I like that & When they get out of line, you know when to fight back I dig that Damn I miss that you were the one and never did me wrong Our relationship was something strong Tell me where has the love gone all along?
Gimme a second to gather my thoughts once more...
Last week was something We sat around and did nothing Typically us Even when I break the peaceful silence You never fuss Sometimes I may get annoying, sometimes cuss I can honestly say That I never felt this way You think these feelings can be here to say Lemme think...
i wrote this a while back. this is based on something that did happen then. and loosy based on something that happened recently.
the reason why the question is asked "Am i loosing my chance at true happiness" is because i felt that th the one that i was feeling/with was my happiness. when i was with them nothing was ever wrong, i was never sad, everything just felt perfect untill i seen what i seen/ heard what i heard. they were my happiness. when they finally realized what the question really meant, it was more then late/close to late. at the end of the day it is what it is...
"hmmm...lemme check my watch, i think it's time for me to make another hit...."
i can honestly say that a lot has happened in this month. from a number of fights i could have gotten into to my heart basically never healing ever again. it was something over-whelming. like i never been through anything like this in this month ever. kinda life changing. i knew you could never trust people, but not like this. i knew that people had an evil side, but not like this. i knew I'd go through pain, again not like this.
can you believe i basically showed this dude my all (I'm saying my all because no one else has seen what i showed or know what i told him) and he ended up hurting me soosoo bad? i mean dudes do this type of thing from time to time but, what if you believe so bad that someone could be so different from the rest you forgot about reality? you just looked at everything as if nothing was ever wrong? love is blind for real. i'm seriously not the type to go coo-coo for freaking coco puffs but this dude really had me. like had me had me. like he was so...original and so different. carried himself in such a new style that I've never seen. if i could list all the things about him, we'd be here forever. just know he's different. WAY DIFFERENT. but yeah. i guess that's all i wanna address. he just hurt me in the worst way. kinda lead me on and then i finally came to see that i was his "side thing". NEEEEEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN THAT AND NEEEEVER WILL BE AGAIN. :)
either way it kills like a bitch when you have this feeling you never felt before towards someone and then they fuck you over. again if i could count how many fucking times someone fucked with my emotions I'd be fucking rich owning my own island. woooord.
i was pretty much disappointed in him because he did that. plus he's my best friend. questions are still un-answered and i don't think i would want him to answer them anyways considering the fact that he didn't answer them in the first place. if the answers were that simple, I'm pretty sure he would have said it by now. but there are questions he has for me that i chose not to answer either. why? cause at the end of the day I'm just the best friend, I'm not number one. he has hes and mine is still out there. for now I'm just going to chill and seek for these things. food and happiness. :)
that's all i really wanted to get out. call this venting.
I been there all that I can for you, To the point where I literally feel your stress & heartache. Our lives are on two different doing two different things. I'm going a little crazy, while you're on shake & bake. I'm so focused on making you happy and pleased, Just trying to put this simple stress at ease. All I want is for you to stay calm cause I'm here now. With that I'll bring you no harm. Think of me as your good luck charm, The lucky charm without the luck... More like someone who's always going to be there for you & always willing to hold you down. Always going to try her best to turn your frowns upside down. Someone who's only going to fill your head with advice. Not choices made by the flip of a coin or the rolls of a dice. I'm trying to be the most amazingness best friend I can ever be to anyone, you especially. What can I say? You're something like royalty !I'm writing this in hopes that your world doesn't collide,
I'm always by your side
i ment every word.
he's seriously forgetting the meaning i put behind this note. i put every feeling, every thought, every memory into this note and now it's come to my attention that he's drifting from me. he can say that he's not but he really is. do i want that? well what do you think? this is probably the only thing buggin me right now. he was the one saying that i would act weird and drift, but it's all him now. i put every last thing that basically happened behind me. i'm on this new thing where i don't linger on what has happen. i'm keeping my focus on what's going to happen cause that's all that matters. the future. is he going to be in my future? at this rate, i don't even know anymore...just know i want this to work. tired of loosing the best. <--- that's hard to find...
"If only he could understand how i really feel, tap into my mindset and see that i'm changing, only for the good of everything. i'm over whatever and also down for whatever cause i'm just that person. like how much more do i have to show him? i'm almost worn out..."
for once my heart and mind are playing the same song
and it's hurting me
because the song it's playing is one that isn't fully mine at the moment. i'm sooo sprung!
i hate admitting it to you cause you get a big head about it & it's getting worse cause now it's like i breathe you
everything i do has a little you in it.
i never knew that i could feel something as good as this. i must say, OBVIOUSLY it's a new feeling. but a true feeling...
can't remember the last time i even felt something like this.
damn i wanna cry!
spending all your time with her. well i can't complain because i would have done the same thing. seems like she's number one priority for a while. gotta make up for lost time no? i gotta sit on the side lines before i can join you in this game i guess you can say.
Music bumping club jumping drinks over-flowing no one's really knowing all girls are hoe-ing money flying everywhere seems so crazy as i stare looking around hearing every sound it's like hell with good music sex over here drugs over there did everything seems right? did everything seem wrong? i found myself dancing but the feeling was ever lasting i was confused i was excited i was craving aslo blind-sided can't say it was weird but it was new i came in with three but left there with you
Pink & yellow chipped nail polish my thoughts are able to taunt this i think i'm going to write a list i'm starting to feel pissed about the present and past i'm tired of things moving fast no down answers to so many questions but my life is something like a blessing i got people endlessly testing my paients, my sanity i got people that love me & people forever blasting me it's weird, but it's funny that i got it better then some, i'm lucky i'm not about "the norm" cause that's a disgusting forn i desire to change the world show everyone that i'm not a normal girl i live by one simple rule Being different = cool!
My eyes are the windows to my soul, my mouth in the road to my mind. my hands are the gentle & love is what it holds, my ears are what my mind stands beside. my body is my temple that unworthy people want to break, but i'm keeping a certain gate closed for mine & my body's sake. you're not going to murder my mind and lie to my soul least you forget, i'm something bold. not something you can mold or something you can transform i have a few beliefs of my own. i believe that the one my special one can come into my temple and explore, tell me all the possible things and more. hold my love with all his being, look into my windows & see maturity, respect my body full of fury. this is my being, this is my everything.
i haven't been posting as much as i wish to have been, only because there's so much going on in my brain and my heart. WHATEVER. i got so many pieces i wanna share, but y'all gotta bare with me on this. i hope y'all like it.
i think if things like this, if you have whatever on your mind, say it, write it. this writers block shit is just a thing of the mind. it's fabricated to prevent you from letting your thoughts flow. thoughts flow regardless, stop thinking about writers block, start thinking freely. no mater what your thinking, express it. express it all!
I Wanna Be Your Everything,The One You Always Wanted. I Swear We Do It Real Big. Bigger Than The Others Done It. We Be Up On Everything Other Chicks Clearly Want It. I Want You Forever Man. I'll Put You Always In It. I'm Talking Bout My Heart. You're Always There To Fill It Up. When You Get Right I Promise I Won't Give You Up. You Always Beggin For It, I'm There To Give It Up. You Make Me Feel The Same Every Single Time. Baby You're My Best. - Aubrey Best!
as always i been diggin this song, who hasn't man. it's huge. i don't know about now. i hardly hear it.
anyways i decided to write my own chours to it since
A) i'm thinking things. one being him
B) i'm singing too
& C) i was feeling to write SOMETHING so i chose this.
i mean come on we have those days.
where he just wanna sit up and inhale the haze.
yea, i have those days.
especially when i'm hurting.
feelings? that's the shit i'm never blurting.
i should shouldn't i?
but nahh, whos cares how i feel?
another chick who can write, without a crowd to show her the love you know?
nahh i don't think you do.
well i could never know right?
you're just as locked up as i am.
when you finally open up it's like BLAM.
dude, you had all that in you.
woooow, i'm pleased
you shared it with me.
so i'm guessing it's my turn?
"baby, are you up?" Trevor says as he brushes Alicia's long brown curls behind her ears and feels on her soft cocoa brown skin. "No, but the baby is" Alicia begins to rub her stomach. "i don't know what's going on in there, but the baby kept me up all night." "it's okay babe, you can get all the sleep you need today. i'm going to Nate's to cook up some new material. we gotta be on our toes just in case L.A. does anything suddenly." Trevor hopes out the bed and heads to the bathroom. "baby i've been thinking. now don't take me the wrong way or whatever cause you know i'm behind you with everything. what if something happens and the call doesn't come through. what if they decide they don't want you or something. i mean we gotta think logically here." Alicia says with doubt in her voice. Trevor peeks out the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth and glares at her. "Licia, stop thinking like that. Nathan is amazing at what he does. better then some of these cats out here. i can throw down in the booth like no one business. baby i'm hungry. i want this my me, i want this for us." Alicia just looks at him and says "okay baby i believe in you." then blows a kiss so Trevor catches it. he does and puts in on his chest then winks.
"Dude sickest beat is in the mix. i got just what you need Trev, man it's doper then dope." Nathan was so excited. he was putting the finishing touches on a beat he came up with last night.
"dude, how long did you stay up? did you even get any sleep dawg?" Trevor putting down the newpaper he picked up from Nathan's door step and placed it on the kitchen counter. "we're like a well oiled machine" Nathan says. "i come up with th beats, and you come up with the lyrics. seriously we gonna take this world bt strom." Nathan was on some serious high hopes over this one beat in particular. "so let me hear then!" Trevor was anxious. Nathan is a fiend for making beats, and Trevor is a fiend to hear them. As Trevor walks down the stairs to go to the studio, he starts to think about what Alicia said to him this morning. "baby what if you don't get this deal" echos in his head. "i gotta stay focused. i know she believes in me but she's just looking out" he says to himself. "that's my life right there"
"you're tired of me? bitch i'm damn well passed tired of your stank ass!" he was yelling at her from across the room. boy was Trevor man now! "all you ever talk about is life, and all this over shit over and over. you're acting all sappy and down over shit that can me solved within the blink of an eye. baby i know shit hard but damn WE TRYING!" tears fill Alicia's hazel football shape eyes fast. "well Trev, what do you expect me to do? my mom wants nothing to do with me, dad was never there. just lost my job and i'm three months preggo. shit seems harder then ever now. what are you doing right now? trying to get this rap thing off and going? did you even meet with L.A. today like you said you had to? HUH? DID YOU?" Alicia held everything in her power not to slap the shit out of Trevor's face right now. he just standing there, he was taken back for a minute. he never thought he's see the day where he felt like everything is falling a part. he felt like giving up right then and there. but then his eyes met Alicia's baby bump. he had to try and give his all for his un-born child. give that baby the best he nor Alicia never had. "TREVOR BRETT SMITH I'M TALKING TO YOU!" "Yes Alicia i met with L.A. today. he liked what i have, wants to meet up with me and Nathan tomorrow about some beats and other demos he was feeling, baby this could be my big break" Trevor said it in that sweet sexy voice Alicia always liked. "really baby? really?" she jumps into his arms while saying it. "yes baby girl. now stop trippin off all this, we gonna make it. i promise. i'm working for you and this baby, that's all that matters. not you moms, pops, or your job status. i love you baby. i love you"
it's hard being me as it is. not knowing where my mind set from time to time, not knowing what my actual dreams are cause they keep changing. it feels like i have no sense of guidence because at the end of the day, i feel you not there for me emotionally like most mother are with there daughters. i know i'm not the best apple on the tree but i try. i bent over backwards as many times as i can but it's never good enough for you. it seems like nothing is EVER good enough for you. anything i do. even if it's keep my room clean, giving no sass, little thins like that. it's getting to the point where, if anything were to happen i'm doubting myself...would i do anything? i'm second guessing myself. and second guessing you.
i want to be the best i can be, but how can i be the best i can if i don't have my own parents behind me at all times. dad who? never had that dude. i think that's why i act out. i never had that kind of attention. now i want that, seems like mom can be the only one to so that. but she's to busy being mad at me, mad about the past, and mad at what i'm becoming. a woman. she cannot handle it cause she doesn't want me to make the same mistakes like she did. picking up the worst man, working at the shittest job ever. and not having a life. coming home everyday and just going to your room. even closing the door now to drown out the world. but she can't. ever had someone tell you don't blame yourself for grown ups stress or whatever mess they're in? well i can honestly say that i'm the reason why you're so depressed and stressed and all this shit. i'm lazy, i'm rude, i'm not everything you hoped for me to be because i'm always looking around at what others have and what they provide for their families. i have all this anger build up because we don't have it easy like other people. someone once told me that things come for those who wait..how long we'll we both have to wait for things to get better, for you let me free and for me to actually see you happy.
that's all i really want, and i swear to you from now on i will try my HARDEST.
...I'm never gonna stop I'm never gonna flop I'm going to stay on top. that's where i belong. that's' where i stand strong. that's where I'm excellent at what i create that's where i want people to relate. that's where i want people to hear me but i don't even want them to fear me stay near me shed tears with me. stand by me even sit by me. I'm feeling lucky. no one will dare fuck with me cause I'm being me isn't that all what people want? someone to not actually be a part. someone that stands out. someone who's not afraid to scream or shout? someone who's not the same. and someone who's willing to take the blame? i ask questions at the end of the day I'm trying not to do anything wrong. cause that's something that will actually make me feel like i belong I'm different, full of attitude, sassy even spicy (yes i said spicy)
yesssssssss i'm finally admitting that i have an addition.
it's Farm-Ville (my facebook heads know what i'm talking about, if not you're sleeping on the facebook world of applications)
i mean let's face it, a new thing comes along and takes over the world for a second. everyone gets a hit of it. some people like the hit, some people don't, and the rest just try not to get sucked in somehow. i was one of the ones trying not to get sucked. but that all ended like 4-5 weeks ago...at least i think it did. either way i'm on level 22 i think, almost 23...just wait. once i get all those ribbons and whatever, i'm so over it.
this was brought to you by...you guessed it...FARM-VILLE! fake money, fake animals, fake food = F U N! (we're waiting for you)
Today is the day that i finally proclaim what's rightfully mine today is the day where i can actually turn back those hands of time and come correctly professionally use my ability sufficiently and come out with the biggest bang the finest thang the effect of a boomerang come right back around and basically say it...
you are the most worst. to the point where it hurts. you are disgusting and for you i was lusting? what was i thinking? clearly i wasn't blinking. clearly i was sinking in lies and lies and LIES. your were the devil in disguise you had me you played me made me hate me cause i finally caught up someone got under the slip up then you fliped up i was fed up told you i was done i bet you had your fun can't say this ride has been something because in the end i ended up with something the wisdom of today....
this morning i was chill and such, but now I'm just....irritated i hate the fact that when someone wants to break out and be different, there's like 400 people behind trying to tell them other wise. some actually are trying to help, but the rest are kinda hating. take me for a "proper" example, i don't talk "black" which = "talking in heavy slang" it's not me, i mean i used to but now apparently i talk like a "gay" person....???
again it's whatever!
yesterweek i was told that the way i dress, talk, act, basically everything i do is not...well like everyone. you see this is how I work. i hate the fact that style is so much the same when it comes to people. fresh kicks, something brand name, costs lots of dough. everyone is wearing the same thing just different colour. urgh.......ANNOYING!
I'm different i rock knock off or brands people never heard of. i like bright colours and i like mixing those colours too. i wanna dye my hair purple, i wanna have yellow and pink nails. i want shoes and look like I'm ready to go out to space! i wanna listen to Fefe Dobson and Skye Sweetnam. i wanna play loud rock music from my computer speakers without caring about the world around me. i like to dream, sing, dance, write. i like to dress others up in what I think looks good on THEM. and i wanna do the same for me. I'm tired of everyone else looking the same, talking the same, walking the same, acting the same, seeing shit on others then wanting to buy it. i wanna pierce my lip and get a huge tat no my side maybe. dude <--- i love that word. I LIKE SAYING COOL BEANS! i love nerd glasses and everything weird.
i basically love everything people aren't used too.