Thursday, September 30, 2010

something i do i guess.

his brother called me “Hope” cause i brought it to the team
so now i gotta bring it, make it come out like how it seems
the difference between getting money and getting creamed is
the part where you lose and the moment where you drop the bizz
i’m shy i know, building stacks? hell no…
but i’m getting there, steady, tryna show them that i’m ready
to do this, do me…let go of all this misery
cut off all the stress, no more hide behind the shadows
this is Aubrey, your Hope, which i hold… 

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Best Friends Last Forever Or Not?

minds racing and thoughts of intoxication fill the air.
straight to the face...she beats that juice. compared to her, the bottle was no fool. it knew what it was down for.
she sat there, reading, trying to keep composure. "i'm coming over.."
yea, spilling over...down the hatch it goes. "swim through my blood stream." nasty father habits.
she gets the text "i'm downstairs.."
the walk of shame is about to begin, but she can't forget her best friend for the night, her bottle.
grey goose to be exact. gulps before she hits the stairs.
what a site to see has she goes down the stairs.
surprising herself, she didn't even fall, feeling kinda accomplished she hits the last set of stairs, opens the door.
sexiest car amongst the rest, she spots it out like wild fire.
she begins to walk over to the whip.
with best friend in hand she sees more then one face on the car.
she can make out three but the last one...i face never seen before.
pretty yes.
so his type...anger builds...unexplainable.
she waves...the wave was limp and filled with death.
she gulps like it's nothing. whips her lips. looks at the bottle, it's almost done...
she can't believe. she feels her legs will fail from below her.
he steps out the car when she gets closer...he smells the alcohol on her breath and what shocked.
"hey how you doing? how was your night? bet is was nice eh? i bet it really was" she shoots him a smile
"why? what are you doing?" he says...
but means it in a way she could pick up.
"i'm doing not a thing...getting to know my best friend more. wanna meet her? she's sweet. in all ways. i bet like what's her face in the car....bitch" she's now loosing it. not understanding why all this is coming out...
after all...there's no feelings there?

he's not flaming mad.
makes a couple calls while she stand there, finishing the bottle...
a car pulls up and someone comes out of it...
he throws them the keys.
"take them home then drop the car back, i have the extra key. imma stay here for a while."
points at her and her best friend.
the man nods and drives away.
he grabs her...searches her pockets and grabs her keys...they walk to the entrance to her staircase.
"what am i? a criminal? why you bothering on staying...don't you have to get back to your bitch? i'm sure she waiting on that juicy dick of yours"
with her free hand she grabs his package...
he pushes her up against the door
"i understand you're drunk, so what you say right now will not get taken serious..."
she's irritated...everything is moving slow but his words are hitting her like she's in a boxing match...
"whatever, just know i can handle my own, i don't need you"
he's opening the door while she begins to hum
"does he know what he did, turn my heart into flames?" then her best friend to her face...
"is that so?" he says to himself....
she screams...FUCK YOU!
he laughs grabs her and they make a trip up the stairs
"you know all that substance is bad?"
he says in concern
"oh so now you care about my well being...such a joke you are...guess that's why i love you." she winks at him
finally get to the top stairs...she throws up over the staircase. then whips her face
"there goes the neighborhood" best friend greets her face again
he grew tired seeing her and her "best friend" make kissy face...he grabs the fucking bottle and pours the rest over the staircase.
"all friends don't always last forever"
she says "well lucky us"

get to the door and he smells the house...guess that's not the only bottle she made best friends with.
the house tells a story of pain and heartache. he didn't know how to feel. looked at her and felt a pain he never felt. he felt sorry for he's first love...she's throwing herself away all because of his actions, he felt he didn't know what more to do...but for right now he had to be there for her. he helped her get out of her vomit clothes, bathed her, lotion her, listen to her shit talk from "i'll kill you" to "i want your kids" to "sorry excuse for man" to "you mean the world to me" she said it all.

finally got her P.J.'s on and waited till she fell asleep.
she kept humming what one song from time to time.
"distant far away. dream of him, since that day..."
"what song do you continue to hum?"
she replies "Trey Songz - Does She Know...I changed the He's to She's, cause i can relate"
he watches her...after she said that and begins to watch her does off, still trying to keep up with the song...
he's thinking while he could be with her he's here taking care of his best friend.
he starts to think of the time he was in trouble like that over a girl he was talking to...
he looks at her again
"you were always there for i guess it's my turn...even if it is my fault...i'm sorry"
he turns over on the other side of the bed they were laying on...

she opens her eyes and says..."it's about time you started realizing shit..."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010


something I’ve either just brushed with my lips or something i study in the school of your mind. something i never fully grasped, something i long to have or just something people through around cause “like” isn’t deep enough. does love have a plan with me in mind? a question i always wondered but feel there’s no answer for it. i sat up last night thinking about this. “am i in this right now?” “how come certain things can’t leave me alone at this point?” crazy thing though, i’ve been slapped in the face so many times with “rejection” or “i’ll wait for you” that i just say “fuck you” and go about business that i should wait on. i said it once, and i’ll say it a million times more. the face in the mirror is familiar, i know her. but what she’s doing to herself and others isn’t what she’s knows nor capable of doing. so why is she taking on such a big and disgusting task? is it making her happy for a little while? does she like what she’s getting from this? is this what she thinks love is? losing the only thing God wants her to hold on to until someone right comes alone is really worth the wait like everyone says it is?
all this rings and more…but this is the only piece i’m willing to share. i did and still do shit now without a care in a world like i’m kind of wild child. at times i blame the situation my father put me through. ever since that day i feel too different to even understand what the hell is going on. i’m hiding my feelings more then ever and i never ignored someone else feelings in my life and felt no way about it. it’s like i don’t care about anything anymore period now. i’m just growing impatient with everything, tired of some friends and just want to pour anything out to that one person. i NEED something real now, it’s getting to me that i haven’t found it yet and now i’m preventing that from even coming around cause i’m scared if i let someone in just this one last time…it’s completely over.
so dear love, i’m here….waiting….again.
yours truly, 
Aubrey Hope….

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I Guess That's Me

had this...dream
i guess you can call it that.
it was super crazy to me...cause i always had your back
it was something i see you doing, chasing your dream

i was one step behind you supporting, that's how it seemed
it was hard i can lie, and i barely saw you.
but all i could do was sit on the side, just watch you do you.
shooting for the stars and not believing the sky is truly the limit
but i was there. i was always there. supporting you.i never forgot it.
then boom! you got your big break. money was flowing on like water from a warm tap.
it was like vanish, everything was a wrap.
you were focused, from money to tracks to clothes to music.
everything was finally going your way, i never abused it.
i waited for you to finally realize that i didn't leave like most did
i sticked around and still stayed posted.
i guess that's me. the one that waits.
but knowing it's worth it is the reason why i stay.

couples years go by now, and the business is moving steady...wasn't as crazy as when we were young
you turn to me and say "i think it's time, you know when two becomes one"
i look at you....and ask..."huh?"
you smile and begin to talk about how when no one was there it was always me.
you see
it all started when i started dreaming big and you were down more then anyone...

- Aubrey Hope.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

How About I Just Spit In Your Face? Yeah?

so uhhh, where do i start right now?
i think today i figured some things out, and in the situations i have now...there has to be a lot more talking. i'm very uneasy right now so even opening the "new post button" on my blog today...i feel it's a big step.

"keep going in circles, circles. round and round and while you're doing me so wrong i just keep holding you down. i feel so stupid, foolish loving you this way. but what can i say cause i wanna go...but i keep coming back"

- Jazmine Sullivan.

words that ring and continue to ring... here's some more

"would have came back for you, i just needed time. to do what i had to do. caught it the life. i can't let it go, weather that's right. i would ever know. hope you forgive me, never meant wrong. i tried to be patient. waited too long. but i would have came back..."

- Drake.

the first set of lyrics for how i feel. the second is how i want you to feel. that's how i feel you feel anyways. but then i could be wrong. i feel i don't know the person i been calling me other half for so long now. it feels like we known each other since we were kids, but it's only been a year. in one whole year i fell for you. wanted to hate you, loved being your friend. started saying "i love you." we said it everyday. there was never a day that went by back then were one of us never went without saying it's like...never said. started falling for you. stayed falling. then finally hit the floor in which they call "in love" and wanted to escape cause i KNEW pain will surface...and i was right. tired denial and lying to others screaming to them "i don't love him like that anymore" when sadly i still do and i dislike it...cause nothing is happening. 

i dislike when people are scared of things that will benefit them in the end. they doubt what's always been good to them cause they're never used to this type of thing and continue to doubt the fact that it's good and will stay this good. you're blinded by the fact that...i'm not going anywhere. i have no intention of hurting you. i feel like i have everything i can to protect you. and i know you feel the same. i'm not going to lie you had me then and you still have me now. but my feelings? you really never had a real grasp on those. those are the only things i want taken care of cause obviously i'm not doing a good job. i mean look at me. i'm broken, beat up and hurting. forever hurting. i want change and it seems like i can find that change in're just being....well...a firewall. you put it up so you don't get hurt. i get hurt in the end. i still continue to "ride" for you...

it's okay to be scared. but why be scared of the familiar?
just wanted to let you know, i don't love you cause i'm in love with you.
it just hurts too much.

"one side is saying take a break Hope. where will he really go? to answer that...he'll go with her...her isn't me..." - Aubrey.

- Hope