Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Mind Set # 5

"hmmm...lemme check my watch, i think it's time for me to make another hit...."

i can honestly say that a lot has happened in this month. from a number of fights i could have gotten into to my heart basically never healing ever again. it was something over-whelming. like i never been through anything like this in this month ever. kinda life changing. i knew you could never trust people, but not like this. i knew that people had an evil side, but not like this. i knew I'd go through pain, again not like this.

can you believe i basically showed this dude my all (I'm saying my all because no one else has seen what i showed or know what i told him) and he ended up hurting me soo soo bad? i mean dudes do this type of thing from time to time but, what if you believe so bad that someone could be so different from the rest you forgot about reality? you just looked at everything as if nothing was ever wrong? love is blind for real. i'm seriously not the type to go coo-coo for freaking coco puffs but this dude really had me. like had me had me. like he was so...original and so different. carried himself in such a new style that I've never seen. if i could list all the things about him, we'd be here forever. just know he's different. WAY DIFFERENT. but yeah. i guess that's all i wanna address. he just hurt me in the worst way. kinda lead me on and then i finally came to see that i was his "side thing". NEEEEEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN THAT AND NEEEEVER WILL BE AGAIN. :)

either way it kills like a bitch when you have this feeling you never felt before towards someone and then they fuck you over. again if i could count how many fucking times someone fucked with my emotions I'd be fucking rich owning my own island. woooord.

i was pretty much disappointed in him because he did that. plus he's my best friend.
questions are still un-answered and i don't think i would want him to answer them anyways considering the fact that he didn't answer them in the first place. if the answers were that simple, I'm pretty sure he would have said it by now. but there are questions he has for me that i chose not to answer either. why? cause at the end of the day I'm just the best friend, I'm not number one. he has hes and mine is still out there. for now I'm just going to chill and seek for these things. food and happiness. :)

that's all i really wanted to get out. call this venting.


  1. 1. Never say never. Next time you will be alot wiser.
    2. The best-friend/should have been gf or bf situation... if i come correct in my assumption, girl cut urself away from it. atleast for the moment! ppl are selfish and sometimes if we can emotionally take advantage of someone else just to get by our day, we will. but the hard part is tomorrow comes along and HE puts you back on the shelf we HE thinks you belong. get up and leave girl.

  2. ahh. thanks for that. i needed that!