Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mind Set #10

i'm not going to lie, i'm still buggin. sigh, can you really blame me? it was like an infection that got out of hand and now, i'm dead. sappy ass love songs forever playing on my fucking iTunes. i think it's just doing that cause it knows i'm on the brink of bawling un-controllably at any even moment. no matter how many times i skip one song, another just seems to start playing. does the world wanna see me sad right now? God, i just wanna be fucking happy. happy doesn't know this "new" me. the old me would've been happy. shit loads of smiles, giggles and fun. but damn...not here. happy doesn't know this. even if i get the chance to be happy for just the slightest amount of weeks. i think i'll be happy. my birthday is coming up and i'm downer then last year. hooooly. you want something to work so bad cause you never believed in anything for the longest while. finally when it's a fail, (and i hate calling it a fail..) you stop believing in everything along those lines forever. yeah, forever.....okay well maybe not forever but indefinitely...i light that was well dim has died out for sure. not saying that i'm going to be a heartless bitch...but i'm soooo close to it i could taste it. aha!

guess the good thing about this is that maybe i could focus on me and whatever, bad thing is that, that side of me won't be happy...

i need happy...

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