Sunday, July 18, 2010

Does Being 18 Not Matter?

thank God for blessing me every morning for waking up and actually seeing the 18 hard years i've faced. thank you God for breathing air into my lungs and helping me view the pictures of the world. Thank God for helping me learn how to feel, love, and concur all my fears and evilness surrounding me in this everyday life i face. Thank God for my healthy friends, also look over the friends that feel the world is against them. show them the light and guide the way for them through they're tough times. Thank you God for my family. blood/non-blood. i love you guys more then i do my own self and i know God forever has you in his thoughts cause i forever have you in mine. without your guys, i have no inspiration. i am truly blessed. - Amen

with that being said.

i have something to say, it's been on my mind since it happened and i'm kinda upset about it...
so my friends came by today. they were of the opposite sex. they have came over before yet alone so have a few others. my mom felt a way at first but i'm older now, i feel responsible about them coming over cause i have no intension of doing anything with any of them. so we chill and wait for a next friend to come and get us. my father calls one of my guy friends. me finding this funny i told him to tell dukes "HEYY" he does so and my dad freaks. yea i understand i'm your little girl and you want no harm. BUT HELLO. I THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M REALLY DOING. considering my mom was home too. including me there was three of us, plus mama. so what can really happen? after freaking on my friend he says he wants to speak to me. i said whatever. "hello?" all i hear is a spazz attack in my ear. i know you care, BUT YOU CARE TOO HARD. 18 18 18 18 18 18 YEAAAARS. i'm and adult. i dislike when adults say "...and just cause your 18 doesn't make you an adult" so what does....25....30? like you grown folk talk about how you want us to grow up and stop acting like children yet you still treat us like it....i can't believe i'm talking like this...i feel like i'm 16 again. i kept saying this crap over and over, i'm not a child anymore. i'm not the 12 year old that use to steal and buy bare stupidness. i'm not the 14 year old and got involved with drugs that no one knew about till i was 16. i'm not the 16 year old that ran away twice. i am the 18 year old that knows better then her previous mistakes. what part of that don't you people get? i haven't had sex, i never been to a legit jam, i never took a serious drug like ecstasy, i never been to a rave, never done a hot box i think they're called. either way like when i do things i know what i'm doing or that i'm ready to see what it's like just to get it out my system, done. anything i do is my RESPONSIBILITY AND WHATEVER HAPPENS IS BECAUSE OF MY ACTIONS. 

and if you feel to realize, then that's on you. forreal.

- A.

P.S. no stress i still LOVE my pops, just too over's annoying at times but it's something i gotta live with it. and how much you wanna bet he'll find out about this blog post? he finds out about everything.... *grumpy face*

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