urgh, i woke up heavy, as if i didn't wanna come off the couch and live this new day God has granted me cause i felt i let you down and for what? for me to deal with the you make me feel guilty, as if i'm the worse person in the world is killing me right now. i let your mistakes slide but mine is what you hide behind cause i never did you wrong..till now...
thinking all night what i could do to make it all better and go back to the way things were so crisp and shit, but as much as i think it's not making a difference. you see me as something i'm not and i can't change that. i can't travel back in time and redo what happened cause that's not how it is. i don't know what more to say cause i'm sooo flabbergasted because of what you said. it still rings in my head.
if i didn't care as much as you think, would i be this restless? would i take the time to freggin write out my issues? would go to my mom like i do and talk this out with her? it's just so hard to deal with but something is tell me to still deal cause it's all worth it you know. actually i don't think you do. family should know family. you're my family and you don't know me? so what does that make us? family still? you think i have no idea about you but i know. trust me.
i'm seeing this as a another day gone by trying to figure out what to say to you and how to say it without snapping cause right now i just wanna yell at you and make you feel as bad as i am feeling right now. that's wrong. that's spiteful. but i'm not going to. i just gotta think.
everything is messed. with me anyways.
- Janelle
P.S. i just wanna eat.
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