where do i start. hmmm.
one, i had the worst night ever, i couldn't cry till i ready to sleep. never happens. a lot of things that never happened have happened too. can you believe it? two, i think i'm done with this whole "express" shit. i'm starting to realize that when i do, does anything ever go anywhere? three, a friend told me that i was becoming heartless because a certain situation didn't phase me. usually shit like that would make me go crazy, but i'm so chill on it right now that it's scaring me shitless...
yeah this may be "expressing" now, take it for what you want. (Favorite saying) i could care less right now.
i feel that my doing this whole "expressing" things shows some sort of weakness. when you say what's on your mind, people take advantage of what's eating you right now and they run with it. i don't want friends, i don't want anyone to pay me any mind in any way, shape or form because i'm not allowed to do it with others anyways. i don't want openness, and i don't wanna be open either. if you can't open up to me then why should i? i don't wanna fall in love of lust or whatever people "think" i'm feeling. it hurts way to much and brings too much stress.
these are all the things i wanted in some lifetime ago but
I C O U L D C A R E L E S S A N Y M O R E!
i don't wanna be me, everybody hates how i do me. they think i'm soo...as a matter of fact i don't care.
i'm done with crying, i'm done with everything. my life now; eat, sleep, school. straight. i've never been in-tune with myself that i'm too fed up to even try and get to that point. seems that hurt loves me so i might as well play that game...
it's what i'm used to...
- Janelle
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