THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 2010

i don't even know how to freggin breathe right now cause i'm just that fucked up at the moment.

friends may talk to me more then you, but at the same time they don't have what we got.
you want to go your own way, then fine who am i to stop you? seriously... it's not like anything i say could change your mind on the one big thing i didn't want you to do so why would it now?

what i feel you wanted was not sex, do not get it twisted, i never thought that i don't think i ever will, get your mind off it. but what i felt was that you didn't want it. it being this, this being us. it felt like you did at one point, but then i lost it god only knows when. but there's always this thing with me and having the nerve to stick around to something "good". but that "good" didn't want "good" either. and somehow i think it's my fault you feel this way. maybe it's cause i'm annoying, or loud, or maybe just to "black"

whatever.

the point is, it was Y O U  AND NO  O N E ELSE. done.
i don't understand why you think it's HIM when it's not. and i know other have told you so too.
yeah the last post broke me cause it's not always want i wanna hear, but people have the right to express whatever they want where ever they want. it's a free country...

it's funny too. cause i'm the one feeling like a fool. putting my all into something that i PRAYED would work, but get slapped in the face.

stayed up at nights when i couldn't sleep singing that one song "one day you'll be mine" by usher every night since February, now i feel like it's was all a waste of time, like my feelings were a waste of time, like all this effort was and is a waste of time...

just when i kinda thought i could maybe get back on track, this happens. i'm not happy about it and i don't think i will be for a while.
i never felt something like this in a minute and not even for him and now it's messed up.

you don't want it. i hate thinking things like this but did you ever? really?












it's hard...too hard. cause i actually gave and still give a shit about you...
what am i to do now and where does this leave me..

- Heart-Broken Aubrey...