How About I Just Spit In Your Face? Yeah?

so uhhh, where do i start right now?
i think today i figured some things out, and in the situations i have now...there has to be a lot more talking. i'm very uneasy right now so even opening the "new post button" on my blog today...i feel it's a big step.


"keep going in circles, circles. round and round and while you're doing me so wrong i just keep holding you down. i feel so stupid, foolish loving you this way. but what can i say cause i wanna go...but i keep coming back"


- Jazmine Sullivan.


words that ring and continue to ring... here's some more


"would have came back for you, i just needed time. to do what i had to do. caught it the life. i can't let it go, weather that's right. i would ever know. hope you forgive me, never meant wrong. i tried to be patient. waited too long. but i would have came back..."


- Drake.


the first set of lyrics for how i feel. the second is how i want you to feel. that's how i feel you feel anyways. but then i could be wrong. i feel i don't know the person i been calling me other half for so long now. it feels like we known each other since we were kids, but it's only been a year. in one whole year i fell for you. wanted to hate you, loved being your friend. started saying "i love you." we said it everyday. there was never a day that went by back then were one of us never went without saying it...now it's like...never said. started falling for you. stayed falling. then finally hit the floor in which they call "in love" and wanted to escape cause i KNEW pain will surface...and i was right. tired denial and lying to others screaming to them "i don't love him like that anymore" when sadly i still do and i dislike it...cause nothing is happening. 


i dislike when people are scared of things that will benefit them in the end. they doubt what's always been good to them cause they're never used to this type of thing and continue to doubt the fact that it's good and will stay this good. you're blinded by the fact that...i'm not going anywhere. i have no intention of hurting you. i feel like i have to....do everything i can to protect you. and i know you feel the same. i'm not going to lie you had me then and you still have me now. but my feelings? you really never had a real grasp on those. those are the only things i want taken care of cause obviously i'm not doing a good job. i mean look at me. i'm broken, beat up and hurting. forever hurting. i want change and it seems like i can find that change in you...you're just being....well...a firewall. you put it up so you don't get hurt. i get hurt in the end. i still continue to "ride" for you...

it's okay to be scared. but why be scared of the familiar?
just wanted to let you know, i don't love you cause i'm in love with you.
it just hurts too much.


"one side is saying take a break Hope. where will he really go? to answer that...he'll go with her...her isn't me..." - Aubrey.




- Hope