Admiration

Concentrating

He sits there, so focused

He’s alienating
every fiber of my being

But somehow it still has me intrigued

I can’t bare that it’s me, he doesn’t acknowledge

We’re total opposites, I’m liquid

He’s solid

He’s the hardest book I have ever read

But doesn’t have a problem letting me know

What’s inside his head

I could stare at him for hours, even days

Hear me when I say

This ain’t a little “crush” phase

This is something deeper then the ocean

The way he gets deep with me
puts my everything in motion

I’m stuck between infatuation

& constant temptation.

 His seriousness fills me up like an intoxication
this intoxication is my admiration

an old poem that i been wanting to post. i was kinda scared cause this was i think the deepest thing i ever written...at the time. i saw the picture and tried to say what i think she's thinking...

think i did a pretty good job. :)

- Janelle

I Can See Clearly Now. ( 8 )

it burns you. i know.

i was your rock.

the one you went to.

i wonder how your feeling now...

maybe you should take a bow?

i don't know, who knows from here.

i'm happy now...the clouds became clear. :)

- Aubrey

Blurb #8

today was the hardest out of most, cause i had to bust out that fake smile pretty much the whole day...

there were times i slipped up or whatever, few booked it. a couple wouldn't shut up about it, the rest played it off.

whatever.

i fought back tears by listening to music, talking to friends, or pretending i was maaad tired. (which i was since i got no damn sleep, and ate no breakfast on top of that...) man i'm trippin out. it's like sand slipping through my fingers. i never beat up on myself like this before. especially this much. i can't express anymore. i'm flabbergasted...

this has NEVER happened before. EVER.
i called the only family i had at that moment, she knows who she is.
she says i'm broken...

she's right.












Thanks for that....




- Aubrey.

They Know The Words.

i really don't know what more to say....

i'll let my eyes do the talking once again...

From The Heart

the words i never bared.
where's the time we spent together? i wanna show you that i care.

each time that i did something to make your heart cry out in pain, i wanna cut piece of my soul to fix the broken.
cause my heart also is where hope lies in.
i wanna feel what you do, i wanna fix it all.
i wanna be the one that catches your spirit every time it falls.
i never was able to find something like what i have right now.
you are something special, you should take a bow.
pure and simple. point blank period.
to be honest i can't remember the last time i've been this serious.


freeggggg, it's getting to the point where doing what i know best becomes a difficult task.
and i dislike that now a days it's my feelings that i mask.
my insides cry, pain is my neighbor , my soul needs soothing
but i can't write it on paper.
figuring myself out right now is like putting together a puzzle with missing pieces
but i bet you can already see this.

there's just one thing that i begg for, happiness in a cup
can't wait ti hold it, i'll just sip that up.

chugging is prohibited....

February 7th 2010 - What's On My Mind

Happy birthday to me first off.

i remember growing up and now my birthdays used to be. kids that i called my friends that lived in the same building as me would always come and celebrate with me. i'd have a small cake with my name on it and i wouldn't even dress up. straight up bum clothes. i honestly didn't really mind doing that sometimes but deep down i didn't really want to. i mean it was the thought that counted i guess right? through out all those birthdays i felt like something was missing, i kinda still feel that. God only knows what..

18. the big 1-8. so many responsibilities pour in now. this is the time. time to grow. all these years i have been, but i gotta do it real fast and strong now. i never thought i could handle what's about to come, but i think i'm ready. i just need focus i guess. there's so many things going on and stuff i have to fix and have it stay that way. but man, this will all take time. just bare with me.

as usual i never get what i truly want for my birthday, it's starting not to phase me...but this one is different. i actually wanted...something. i'm thinking if i should go out and get it? hopefully before 12 or it wouldn't have a purpose...

P.S. birthday kiss?

Whatever Happens, Happens.

for the past three days i been wanting to post something. but could never find the time to focus or the guts to write anything. I've been crying more then ever. i never been more scared in my life, for my life. i'm just worried that my mom will give me the boot. not having that. my birthday fucked. i'm not stepping up to the plate more. like shit.

i'm seriously emotionally drained. no one seems to get that. maybe two or three. one pretends to care. then the rest could care less. another thing. i dislike when a friend feels that their fucking issues are always a head of what you have to deal with. everyone deals with things in their own way and i have a friend who doesn't understand that. which brings me to this decision.

whatever happens with that, happens. i don't need that. apparently they don't either. but they seem well happy. aha....they're a joke to me still. just like how they were laughing when i was talking to them about some things...SMH 

oh well. my life smells.

- Janelle