Blurb #10

first off lemme just say that i wasn't expecting to wake this early considering the fact that i slept in the cold living room on my couch. turning up the heat was a no no since people in this small apartment don't like when the heat is on, not even in MY room. whatever.
second i woke to words, "i don't care anymore she's 18, she feels she a woman, so let her gwan. she has no job and if  she keeps it up it's seriously me alone in here.." "wanna follow friends that aren't going anywhere in life and when they finnaly get where there going they will leave her behind, they could care less about her..." "i still have my job, even though it's hard i'm the one getting paid. so she could just do what she wants, i'm fed up of this shit."

good ol' sunday morning.

reasons why i do not call my mother anymore and tell her where i am and if i'm coming late:

when i USED to call, the call went something like this...

Mom: hello?
Me: mom?
Mom: (Pause)....what?!
Me: uhmm i'm at (so and so) and i'm coming home at (blah blah) if i'm not home at that time i will call you and saying i'm coming late cause i'm doing something for (either school or for a friend)
Mom: did you ask me if you could do that?
Me: uhmm no, but it was an afterschool thing, at least i called right?
Mom: (yelling so loud i can't pick up what she's saying)
Me: (moving the phone away from my ears and looking at the people around me cause they're staring and me and laughing cause i'm getting yelled at...even though i'm doing the right thing here....)

Mom stopped yelling and chill please? i'm off now...call you back if anything
Mom: (hung up 10 seconds ago busy signal already playing in my ear)

hence why i stopped calling, cause it always ended up like that and anytime i told her that when i do call she has a fit, she wants to play "no i don't." tell me people WHAT THE HECK WAS ALL THAT YELLING AND CUSSING FOR? FOR SHOW? OVER THE TELE? W T F?

so basically now i'm screwed more then ever, no money, job, bus fare, AND I HAVE LAUNDRY TO DO RIGHT NOW. wtf am i going to do? she hasn't said two words to me since freggin friday.

i swear living with my dad sounds more then cool right now. seriously....

You're The Past For A R E A S O N!

just know that you could never take away my truth.

you're are some old news like the carnivals kissing booth.

stop showing up, stop beggin back

now you're realizing i'm what you lack?

quit it when this baby please and i love you like clouds love the clear blue sky

it's funny cause when i called you up to chat "not now baby i'm getting mad high"

it's better to puff smoke then think about your "babygirl"

i understand you're chillin with your boys, but i was your so called world

come on home-boy we both have lives to live

stop coming to me with this "i miss you" shit.

"you make peace come easy." talking all this mess

anytime i got mad you always said "don't you know i got you the best?"

NO!

my "best" would never do the things you did

god forbid

you

to

ever

come

into

my

life

and

cause

the

pain

you

did.

you're the one i blame.

to be honest, you're a damn shame.

you may the most beautiful man

but deep down you're a little damaged boy.

i was well over you from the day in the staircase

forgot about you and everything else, gone without a trace.

you have lost the cookies and the milk went stale

you just another bad relationship but you love to tell tall tales.

P.S. i know about the bum in the oven sweetie. aha! sooo lame.

hope you kid will never go ashamed

of someone who fucked up early, you had so much going for you path.

just do the math...

- Aubrey

I'm Fine

so i woke up this morning. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I DIDN'T SAY GOOD MORNING TO THE WORLD.
i said your name. then it hit me

i'm okay
i'm not sad, i'm not sobbing. nothing

i'm okay with the choice. wooow. i know right?
i thought it would bother me and make me somewhat crazy but, it's not even like that.
i'm fine.
and chill.
i have that much respect for you and every decision you pick i should support.

isn't that what friends do?
lmaoo!


you're chill. i'm chill. :)

- Janelle

Let Go

the thoughts that are never revealed
never dugg up. never re-written
always put a side, locked up and sealed.
i was the type to sit around, stay mad at the world. and linger on what happened
till it dawned on me life is fast and
we can't just live in the past
yes times forever get harder and harder
but that's how we stay stronger and stronger

we must learn to let go...
let go of what happened to us back then
we have plenty of time to start over again
fresh start
just open your heart.
and let it go

no matter how hurt you are, you must learn to over-come.
never forget where you're going and never forget what made you and where you came from.

- Janelle

Help Wanted!

A person who's able to fix the most difficult.
This job requires a lot of pick & sort.
someone with soft hands and who also has a delicate touch.
you have to have extreme patience, don't be quick to put up a big fuss
this job requires a lot of time and effort.
once you start, you cannot abort.
by doing that, it may cause more damage to this "project."
you gotta be amazing at setting the moods and excellent at re-rooting
i hope this won't be a problem, but you gotta find enough time
every free hour, minute, second is mine now
you don't have to be addicted, just committed


do you know what you're fixing?

- Aubrey.

Broken Dancer

I mean look at her,
the way the movement flows with the soft tone music.
you can tell she's letting it all show.
the passion filled with pain,
she just wants to feel happiness again.
she's longing for some true inspiration.
the great sensation.
tears fill her eyes with frustration.
she's sad.
you try to ask her why but, she continues to dance.
i guess it was just that bad...
she chants


"I wanna see the the light & i'm talking about the moon and the stars. the world revolves around my heart. traveling at the speed of sand, i just think about spending my life with you. you are my dream come true."


In shaggy white attire, she dances and chants these bitter sweet words.
hoping her feelings can become heard.
praying her beautiful movements are seen
no mistakes, it all has to be sharp and clean.
coming from a broken home, it's hard to find love.
she had it in her mitts and didn't want to give it up.
she dances in hopes that he comes back.


he hold something she lacks...


Written Sept. 2009.


- Aubrey

Short & Sweet

now i'm at the fight point.
punching so hard i can feel it deep in my joints.
blood shot eyes & bloody hands.
this is where my life stands.