Love Case.

you tell me to break it down
while i tell you to lay it down
on the line so that this time this can say true
forever and always imma be missing you
till the sky turns blue and the clouds fade
i can't tell you the amazing day i had today
one thing was on my mind
you, you
and this what i go
through, through
on a daily basis
i go through these sudden love cases
truck loads of emotion
faster then some ocean motion
the race begins with me, ends with you and during it all

is love.

Montreal.

i decided to go...why?


so i left Thursday night excited for my gramps 70th birthday. "yes i'm legal down there, sip some juice and chill in the French fry air." you know? i was like this is going to be a liver weekend. yea it was going well. got annoyed couples times cause of people being dicks but family is family. love them regardless of all the shit that is said. right?


got lost on the way but hey, that's normal. but i realized something. on how to mature, and change my ways. if it hasn't hit me before it sure did this weekend. but it's kinda hard to explain. just seeing how older folks act make you not want to be like that. so you decide to work on yourself 10000000000 times harder. you really do learn from other peoples mistakes.


and another thing. i don't understand why people don't get that other people can change. sure people have made some fucked up mistakes and yes no one is perfect like God so cut people some slack here. they are tryna change their life and go on the right path, but by you bringing up their past, how will they get the change if they're only seen one way in people's eyes?


on a family note: 
i've always been told there's a lot i don't know. stuff i don't need to know. but if it has to do with me or someone that is in my family that i know a whole lot, shouldn't i have the right to know?




overall these last two days were something i never want to re-live. it's more then i make it seem but too much to dish out.


whatever, it is what it is. people just don't get themselves sometimes either. damn retards.


- Heartless Aubrey

And The Story Goes....

Him: you dropped you pen pretty lady
Her: of thanks, i got a million things going on that i barely notice the little things. life's crazy
Him: tell me about it. you have a nice day
Her: you too.

it's been a while since she actually looked at a man, and boy was he fine...
she continued writing.. and thinking...


To Be Continued..

maybe... :)

- Janelle

Confusing Ish...?

when i woke up this morning, i thought of the same things that you do. (oh you know)


i want it.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i sat in a daze, the sky was a deep blue but it wasn't bright. it was like 6 or something.
for the first time i woke up with someone else on my mind and it scared me shitless. my friend told me dreams are like something that a spirit is trying to show you sometimes, especially if you're having the same dream over and over.


that dream kinda ended today.


Go back to what you know
Go back to where you know your heart is girl
Just be honest
(This is impossible)
This is impossible
We'll never work cause you don't want it girl
You belong with him so go back to what you know


but what do i know? pain, lies, and such crap. aha! i'm not the most perfect but i know what good and what's not. i lie, i give pain. don't we all? not as often and most of the time not on purpose. when it came down to young blood i have never called that person out, cause i'm not them, they're quick to call others out cause it's what they do. as for me. quiet as can be when it came to that situation. blah.


as for you. there is no you. people all up in my ear wax saying this and that. but they never knew the story behind it all. will they ever? i doubt it. i'm zipped. stomach full of pain, heart full of cracks, mind full of poison. i'm feeling to do something crazy with the deceiving cause it's what i know right?




he's the reason why i can't find the love that i'm needing and it kills. 


you really wanna know the real me. put my heart back together and in it's rightful place.


- Heartless Aubrey

Un-Saved

someone needs to save me,
but i can't save me
and if i can't save me
no one can save me.
so i'm un-saved.

- Aubrey

Screaming F**K THE WORLD

kso i don't understand why people always gotta think about what i've done way back when and base all that shit towards my character.

i'm sorry but can't people change?

i never been so mad to the point where i wanted to crash my fams car on the high way. "smile, you take things to personal" she says. how else am i suppose to take it. yeah i just love when people shoot down my pride and piss all over it and call it a damn day. it;'s what i truly live for. i don't like blaming people cause it's not my place but i seriously put this on my dukes still.

time and time again i say "people do not have to know what i do cause at the end of it all they're not in my shoes and people are way to judgmental. i guess you want people looking at you a certian way but i don't want people to get me wrong"

it's always this "Janelle never cares about anything but herself"

goes to show you actually know me.....

woke up this morning screaming fuck the world i had way to much to deal with since the year started.



especially after 5:39 's call
my heart officially died this morning.


heartless.

- Janelle

My Finale

poison.
every thought
sound
taste
touch
vision
feeling

i'm intoxicated everyday by this mind control
i can't get enough
focused on my fix
i crave this mix
of desire and hate
it's you i desire, but i hate it
passion wise

overflow
the cup i call my soul
with your bittersweet lemonade
on a summers day
i sip this and sit in the shade


my finale...

- Aubrey