getting lost in it all...

in that one kiss. just that one kiss.
lost in that wilderness.
the wild, passionate, sensual kiss.
at that moment it’s my everything.
it’s my anything.
he holds me with all his strength, so strong, so big
but he’s kiss is gentle. peaceful. kinda like spring.
takes over me, i embrace it all.

- Aubrey 

Comfort

"hey, do you want me. look at me. stare at me. really look at my naked body and tell me what you see. no, do not turn away, babe. actually look at me..."

two naked beings stand in front of each other and look. using there eyes to read their story. embracing the discomfort for a little while. the awkwardness fades.

"babe, your body is beautiful, you're beautiful. don't hide your eyes from mine. we're looking at us, the real us."

- Aubrey

Life Isn't Always Easy...

Her: hey, i'm here. what did i miss?
not much huh? is he still at his shit again? oh jeeze when will it end?

babe, you with me? it's me... how you feeling? you're tired huh? lemme feel your head, are you hot?
oh babe, you're burning up... lemme get a wet cloth for you...

here, put this on your head and try to get some sleep... i'll be here when you wake up.

*two hours later*
babe, are you sleeping? you're so peaceful when you sleep. i bet you're dreaming those big dreams you usually dream. that's what i love about you. you were never afraid to dream big dreams and then tell the world. never cared what they thought about you. you know that you're my hero in some way right? i hate to admit but you carry these traits that i wish i had in my self... you're one in a million... i'll just lay here next to you until morning..

Him: hey, are you asleep? ... guess so. i had this dream where you were talking to me about how much you admired me? i don't know you would... everyone has this opinion about me and i thought you did too. i hope my dream wasn't a lie because the same things you said you saw in me are the same things i see in you. you're so strong and brave and patient. especially having to deal with me and my outbursts. i now my condition doesn't make me the easiest person to deal with but i want you to know that i'm thankful for you.
i love you. and i mean that. i will always love you. i should be the one taking care of you...

- Aubrey

urgh.

i find my mom sometimes to be a little annoying, especially when it comes to the money i'll be making. i understand she cares or whatever. at the same time, i wanna be able to do things on my own you know? lemme make my money, leave me alone with it. if i need help i'll ask. why can't that be understood?

- Aubrey

i been away yeah? i know, i know

i've been on the tumblr boat. i must say that i like that blog though. it's interesting and  filled with pictures and shit. hah! but this is and always will be my first. it's like tumblr is a loud party and Blogger is what you're going home to. the bed you go to sleep in after that wild party you know. so i guess you can say i'm ready to sleep now. i missed you yeah? lol. ♥

- Aubrey

usually not sober for this long... withdraws kick in slowly.

i used to use all that shit because you acted like you didn’t know me.
you’re attention was needed.
my body, i abused it.
from the inside out, i wanted you to see that beauty.
i wanted you to see that raw truth, your name was written all over it.
so i smoked till i couldn’t see, i drank till my feet were heavy.
i figured since you just “liked” me sober, you’d love me intoxicated.
i was wrong, too blind to see. i wanted you to see me.
i wanted you to feel me, embrace me
most of all i wanted you to love me. but you didn’t. you loved being inside me.
you loved to use me, you mistreated me.

i’m usually not sober for this long, withdraws are kicking in slowly,
i used to use all that shit because you acted like you didn’t know me.
you’re attention was needed.
my body, i abused it.
i don’t know i spent so much time on a love that wasn’t mind.
the pain was more then unkind.
i seemed like the stupid girl who got pissed drunk for attention
when deep down, all i wanted was your affection.
i was destroying me. you probably knew it too.
you could never understand now much i loved you.
i’d do anything you asked within the blink of an eye
but as soon as i fucked up, you said your goodbyes.

jokes on me huh? what a stupid girl
i would have gave this man everything in my fucking world.
the alcohol and the weed did nothing for me, did nothing for us.
in the end, it slowly betrayed our trust…

i’m usually not sober for this long, withdraws are kicking in slowly,
i used to use all that shit because you acted like you didn’t know me.
you’re attention was needed.
but not anymore, no long will you mistreat this.

on the road to recovery…

- Aubrey

Go Away

she’s wearing a light red, oversized hoodie with black lettering which say “go away” in the front, white tights with red rose pattering on her left thigh. white and red Nike shoes and white and red sun glasses, her frames covered half her face. she was walking along Younge street with her head down a little bit, kinda like she knew where she was going but had no rush in getting there. she walked by a little restaurant and looked through the huge glass door. she saw him standing there. she knew he saw her looking so she quickly looked passed him and continued to walk along. knowing him, he spotted out her swag immediately and rushed out the door to catch up to her. she could feel his eyes on her back and she was saying to herself “i hope he doesn’t see me, i hope he doesn’t see me, i hope he really doesn’t see me…” he caught up and said “hey, where you off to? we really need to talk…” she replied with demeanor in her voice “we got nothing to speak about” she held the edges of her shirt and said “you do know how to read right? take my shirts advice…” she brushes passed him and walks without anymore words. before she could take two more steps he grabs her arm, she freezes. “Amber, please?” he says. there’s desperation in his voice. her voice perks up in a sarcastic tone “since i’m in a fantastic mood after yesterday’s bullshit, i’ll give you 20 minutes, i got nothing better nor important to do, at least i can make time…” after this she takes off her frames and rolls her eyes all in one swift motion. relieved he says “thank you, we can head up to pickle barrel, that’s just two minutes from where we’re standing.” “hope you know that’s two minutes gone from the 20…time’s ticking, Niko” she said with a devilish wink. they start to walk, awkward silence. Niko walks behind while Amber walks ahead fast and walking as if Niko was never behind her. “i always wondered why she walked so damn fast all the time, doesn’t her feet ever get tired?” he thought to himself.

they finally get to pickle barrel and get a table seated for two in a little corner in the restaurant. he pulls out a seat for her while she sits in the opposite chair. “chivalry is dead, especially with you so don’t pull that shit out now cause you’re somewhat ‘sorry’. cut the crap, what do you want Niko?” you can hear the irritation in her voice and it was now making him uneasy and nervous. “well i just wanted to tell you how sorry i am and i didn’t mean to forget our special day yesterday, i told you Nikkiyah meant and still means nothing to me, she was just at the wrong place at the wrong time” “oh come on Niko, you know damn well she always does something like this, she’s fucking everywhere” Amber’s voice began to wise out of anger over Niko’s explanation. “if she’s not at your work, she’s dropping by your place, if not there she’s driving by my work… this chick lives all the way in Brampton and seems to find her way down here huh? it seems like you like all this attention she’s giving you… what am i not giving you enough? or are you bored?” she pauses and tears start flooding her eyes. she hides her face with her hands and sweater sleeves. “what more can i give you to realize that’s it’s always been you Amb? i’m trying right now. i’m showing you that i’m trying, forget her, she ain’t shit to me, just another chick who needs to find herself before she can have anyone else. she’s not gonna have me. i’m already somewhere else. Amb i want you” in an instant she looked up at him, her eyes warm and her face was a deep brown. that her body’s way of saying she’s blushing. he smiles, she smiles and makes eye contact from time to time. “see babe, i know you. you get all gitty and shy when you blush.” he says while whipping away her tears.

she gets up from her seat and looks towards the door. “oh give me a fucking break.” she shoots up the finger. it’s Nikkiyah. she opens the door and points in their direction. “oh no.” Niko says and rubs the back of his head with his hand. Nikkiyah walks over. smiling from ear to ear. she’s wearing tall black high heel bots with white skinnys. a Canadian goose jacket and a beanie covering her long 22 inch weave. “well, well, well. surprised to see you guys here…together. Niko, i thought i told you that i was gonna be late and expected you alone?” Amber quickly turned to Niko and slapped him with all her left-over energy. “well it looks like you 20 minutes not only have been cut short by miss prissy over here, it seems we have a liar amongst the three of us and God knows it isn’t me.” Niko holds his face and looks at Amber dead in her eyes. “Amber i wouldn’t, Amber you know me, don’t you?” “i don’t know what i know about you anymore.” she looks over at Nikkiyah whose still smiling like she’s at comedy central and says “well i’ll give you one thing, you fight for what you want but take a look at all the damage you leave behind. i wouldn’t be surprised if Karma ends up sleeping with him while your gone…” “she already has little miss, who do you think i am?” “Nikkiyah laughs “don’t play with big bitches when you’re still a puppy. now i know you aren’t a stupid mutt are you?” Amber holds her tongue and begins to walk to the door. “and thanks for keeping my seat warm.” Nikkiyah’s last words pierce through Amber. A pain she has never felt before and it’s over-whelming. she begins to run to the door. “why do you fuck with weak ass bitches Nik? Nikkiyah says facing Niko. “i think i stopped doing that when i stopped fucking with you” Niko snaps back. “then why are you still standing here when your so called “love of you life runs out on you…again…?” Niko still standing here couldn’t find the answers to the question being shot at him by a girl he wishes flew out the country and left him alone for good. he wanted to run after her, but it dawned on him that from his grip he’s losing the best thing that could have ever happened to him, he didn’t know what do to. “you’re last chance babyboy, i bet she’s already by college station by now…” Nikkiyah was now being annoying. she takes a seat and looks through the menu. he slaps her menu down scaring here “you know, i life it when you get aggressive, it’s something that always turned me on about you” she shots him a smile while she tries touching his face but he grabs her hand in mid air. with anger in his eyes and voice he says to her “i don’t know how much clearer i have to be with you Kiyah but listen, i don’t want you. i want Amber, i always have and i will for a very long time. you showing up places to freak her out or make her insecure stops today, if not you won’t like my visit. trust. when i was with you i made it clear what i wanted and i thought we had an understanding. it’s obvious you never had someone like me. if i hear your name again come out of Amber’s mouth, i swear on my mothers grave you’ll be seriously sorry, am i making myself clear?” Nikkiyah’s facial expression said that we was clear but wanted to push his buttons but knew now wouldn’t be a great time. “whatever you say Niko, guess she’s something special huh?” ”more special than you can ever understand. you’re too busy being vindictive and destructive that you have no time to look on the brighter things in life. you should start, maybe then you’ll be happy…” he replied back. “why don’t you buy yourself something to drink? you’re looking kinda thirsty…” with that being said he runs out after Amber.

Nikkiyah whispers to herself “you’re the only one that could satisfy my thirst…”